The first one is by a rapper called “Mac Dre”, and the lyric is “You’re as happy as a faggot in a tree full of dicks”. Firstly I think it’s quite offensive to use the word ‘faggot’ at all, but looking past that, would a homosexual really be happy in a tree full of dicks? I mean the logistics of it don’t quite work out. Presumably the dicks would be hanging from the tree like fruit, in which case a homosexual would never be able to get the right leverage to satisfy himself… and even if the dicks were extensions of the branches, you would always run the risk of falling out of the tree, risking injury… just imagine an ambulance turning up, like “what on earth were you doing in that tree full of dicks?”… I think the only way somebody could ever be happy in a tree full of dicks was if they were a homosexual squirrel… and I bet they really love the nuts.
Snoop Dogg wrote a song that had the chorus “Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. Lick on these nuts and suck the dick”. First off, bitches aren’t just shit but hoes and tricks… to use but one example is the scientist Marie Curie, who was a pioneer in studying Radium which in turn helped in the development of Radiotherapy that has saved the lives of thousands of cancer patients, so you’ve embarrassed yourself there Snoop Dogg… The next line goes “Get the fuck out after you're done. And I hop in my ride to make a quick run...” Presumably, he’s telling her to ‘get the fuck out’ because she’s in his house, which leads to the question; why then does he hop in his ride and make a quick run to get away from his own house? The only explanation would be that he gets confused about where he is, perhaps because he’s in some kind of mad, deluded, misogynistic trance.
My favourite lyrics have got to be from the track ‘Dead Wrong’ by the Notorious B.I.G, where he says “After she sucked my dick, I stabbed her brother with an icepick”, I start to think ‘okay, he’s received oral sex and is now getting involved in a bit of a rampage’… but then he goes on to say why he stabbed her brother; “Because he wanted me to fuck him from the back. But Smalls don't get down like that” Now you do not punish someone for being bi-curious by stabbing them with an ice pick, this poor lad has just tried to ask someone if they wanted to have sex with him and what does he get? Stabbed. Unacceptable. However, some blame should be placed on the lad; if he was wanting to experiment with homosexuality he should have perhaps approached a close friend he thought shared similar feelings and not one of the most notoriously violent East coast rappers.
The next line in the song goes “I found your father hiding in a room, fucked him with the broom”. Now I don’t know why the Notorious B.I.G was so adverse to getting involved in a sex act with the brother, and then goes and indulges in such a homo erotic act with the father… What he should have done is when the brother asked him to ‘hit him from the back’ he should have said “no, I won’t do that, but I could… fuck you with a broom handle?”, then he could have just left the father alone. But, no. There’s no reasoning with the man. I would have liked to have seen the mother of the family come home after a hard day’s work, finding her daughter having just given oral sex to an obese black man, finding her son stabbed with an ice pick because he made homosexual advances, then finding her husband with a broom in his anus.... “Family, I’m home!... good gosh! What have I told you about letting the Notorious B.I.G in here!?”
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